In August 2008 Marc Hogan was bet £1 that he couldn’t become a stand up comic in less than 12 months and perform a one man comedy show at the Edinburgh Comedy Festival in August 2009 for 21 nights. He won the bet!

Last week I was asked who would I invite to dinner, alive or dead.

I chose “alive” obviously, inviting a dead person would be stupid, they’re useless conversationalists and they don’t help with the washing up. Not that I need help with the washing up I’ve got a dishwasher, not that I know how to use it.

Firstly I have to load it with ½ a tonne of salt to get my dishes clean. What the hell is going on in there? Is it snowing inside, are there plates careering dangerously from side to side, have I discovered a new portal into Narnia?

No wonder we had no salt on the streets during the bad weather, it was all in my dishwasher!

But hang on, I’ve checked my bottle of washing up liquid and that doesn’t have salt in it and it still manages to clean the dishes perfectly adequately.

According to the manual its because the waters “hard”.  Hard! I live in the south. There’s nothing down south that’s HARD.

And then to add insult to injury I have to add a water softener tablet to prevent calcium & lime scale build up. Apparently if I don’t my machine will be useless in a week, and all my plates will turn green

On a scale of 1 to 10 I’m now at completely bewildered, but its Ok because apparently all this calcium is good for my teeth and bones which is great as I repeatedly punch myself in the face with frustration

And then there’s the rinse aid? What does rinse aid actually do? I looked up the definition of “rinse” in a dictionary

“Rinse: to wash lightly, as by pouring water into or over or by dipping in water.”

What the hell is the rinse aid doing? How is it aiding the pouring of water, doesn’t the machine do that?

I then have to add a washing tablet

But what tablet to use?

When I go to the supermarket there’s tones of them

There’s:

Diamond with Powerball

Four in 1 with Powerball

Complete with Powerball

And original with (you guessed it) a bloomin’ Powerball

And what’s the difference between all of these I hear you cry. I just don’t know!

Apparently you don’t need to unwrap some of them.

But as I don’t do the washing up whilst wearing mittens I can’t see the  benefit and you have to unwrap the cellophane box to get at them anyway!

I then have to choose a setting, do I want to use a “pre-wash”?  What in Gods name is a pre-wash?  Is there a voice in there giving the plates a pep talk before the water comes in? I just want a wash setting;

“Sorry darling, I know I’m spending an extra 20 minutes in the shower, but I’m giving myself a damn good talking too, it’s called a pre wash”

I don’t care how you wash them just make them clean!

I’m glad I didn’t have a dead guest he’d be completely decomposed by the time I finished the washing up!!!

Click here to watch Marc’s showreel. If you would like to find out more about Marc, visit www.marchoganlive.com or to book him for a speaking event please contact your favourite speaker bureau.

In August 2008 Marc Hogan was bet £1 that he couldn’t become a stand up comic in less than 12 months and perform a one man comedy show at the Edinburgh Comedy Festival in August 2009 for 21 nights. He won the bet!

Yesterday walking past Blockbuster I saw a poster for the new global disaster film 2012. The poster has an image of an ugly, ruined, decimated city with the tag line:

“2012, WE WERE WARNED.”

Surely the London Olympics won’t be that bad?

I mean, I know cross rail probably won’t be finished on time, but surely that’s more of an inconvenience rather than a total disaster?

Click here to watch Marc’s showreel. If you would like to find out more about Marc, visit www.marchoganlive.com or to book him for a speaking event please contact your favourite speaker bureau.

In August 2008 Marc Hogan was bet £1 that he couldn’t become a stand up comic in less than 12 months and perform a one man comedy show at the Edinburgh Comedy Festival in August 2009 for 21 nights. He won the bet!

I’m typing this in complete agony (I’m allowed to say agony because I’m a man, and therefore not blessed with a high pain threshold).

I’ve hurt my back, my lower back to be specific. How did I do it? Well in a very manly way I was picking up a pair of socks.  They weren’t even a pair of thick heavy socks, Oh no just a normal pair of thin light socks. My wife found me curled foetal-like on the floor whimpering that I’m never going to try and clean the house again, my body clearly isn’t up to the job.

So now I’m smothered in Deep Heat, and reek of eucalyptus, I’ve had to cancel a trip to the zoo in case I’m attacked by a crazed ravenous Koala.

I’m 35 and this is the second time I’ve hurt my back in 2010. How can I have hurt my back twice in one month?  According to scientists we will now easily live to 90. Oh my God is this how I’m going to spend the next 55 years swallowing large amounts of ibuprofen and smelling like the Australian outback?

There’s nothing for it; I’m going to have to go back to the gym. I mean I pay £50 a month for it and I only went once in 2009.  The thing is I hate the gym, it’s not the exercise it’s the people.

I show up in my old trainers and “tracky” bottoms, and its like I’ve entered a fashion show.

Lots of young people artfully perspiring in their designer “wick away” t-shirts while I grunt, groan and sweat and generally feel wretched.

Oddly enough when I retuned to the gym, I saw my two favourite people. They are an old Chinese couple. They must be in their 80s. They slowly shuffle their way between each machine in Zen-like silence, picking the lightest weight and over 15 excruciating minutes manage to push out 10 reps.

They are amazing, and apparently they’re at the gym every day.  I know we may all be able to live to 90 but I’m not sure I want to get that old; as one of them walks by I’m sure I can smell eucalyptus…

Click here to watch Marc’s showreel. If you would like to find out more about Marc, visit www.marchoganlive.com or to book him for a speaking event please contact your favourite speaker bureau.

In August 2008 Marc Hogan was bet £1 that he couldn’t become a stand up comic in less than 12 months and perform a one man comedy show at the Edinburgh Comedy Festival in August 2009 for 21 nights. He won the bet!

I want you to think about your best memories….                     

For most of us our most pleasant memories include other people: parties, holidays, weddings, births….

We are happiest when were in the company of people we like and love.

Of course you may be one of those completely self-reliant people, but for most of us we need to share our doubts, our worries, our dreams…

Don’t get me wrong we all like a bit of peace and quiet now and again, but in the immortal words of Bob Hoskins, “It’s good to talk” unless it’s a tele-marketer phoning you at 7 in the evening, and then they can in the immortal words of Bob Hoskins …

The truth is we all need support from our friends. Barrack Obama wouldn’t have run for President without the support of his wife Michelle, and I would have never managed to perform at Edinburgh without the support of my wife and friends.

(Don’t, worry, I’m not even trying to compare my comedic journey to Obama’s presidential run, but we both probably  got to make jokes at George W Bush’s expense).

Occasionally however our friends and loved ones aren’t as supportive, they say, “that will never work“, or “that’s too risky”, etc, etc.

Sometimes they are right, sometimes they will raise issues you hadn’t thought of, or come up with problems you didn’t see.

Of course, they just might be just scared, and would rather not try than fail.

Since starting my own company my Mum has constantly asked me “when I’m going to get a proper job?”

When I told her I was going to go it alone, she actively counselled me against it.

You wouldn’t call my mum a natural risk taker. She’s a good catholic Irish woman,

“Jesus tried that speaking lark and look what happened to him!”

The thing is, she did it out of love, and she didn’t want to see me struggle. I had a good job, a nice house, a new wife, why would I risk all that?

So if we’re facing a dilemma what should we do? Should we surround ourselves with “yes” men and women who tell us what we want to hear, or should we also listen to the cautious ones?

When I started my own company, and went to Edinburgh, I actively canvassed friends and loved ones’ opinions, but more than that, I also sought out experts who I thought could help and advise me.

Many of these “experts” started out as total strangers but have now become firm friends. 

Whenever I have a problem or a new idea I always seek out these people to ask their advice, and if they spot a potential problem, I always ask: 

“How could we solve that problem?” or “How could we minimise that risk?”

Invariably we always find some way to mitigate the risk.

So the next time that you have an idea, don’t be afraid to ask people’s opinions, and more importantly listen to what they say.  They might have a solution to a problem you haven’t even thought of yet!

Marc

If you would like to find out more about Marc, visit www.marchoganlive.com or to book him for a speaking event please contact your favourite speaker bureau.

In August 2008 Marc Hogan was bet £1 that he couldn’t become a stand up comic in less than 12 months and perform a one man comedy show at the Edinburgh Comedy Festival in August 2009 for 21 nights. He won the bet!

My new showreel!

If you would like to find out more about Marc,  visit www.marchoganlive.com or to book him for a speaking event please contact your favourite speaker bureau.

In August 2008 Marc Hogan was bet £1 that he couldn’t become a stand up comic in less than 12 months and perform a one man comedy show at the Edinburgh Comedy Festival in August 2009 for 21 nights. He won the bet!

I can’t make you thin, confident or more successful, only you can do that but perhaps this will help?

Last week, my wife Kirsty asked me, “So what are your New Years Resolutions?”

2009 had been a momentous year.  I had in 11 months became a comic and had performed a one man, 1 hour comedy show at the Edinburgh Festival the world’s largest comedy festival for 21 nights.

I can honestly say it was the most exhilarating, depressing, terrifying, and hardest 11 months of my life…

As a public speaker I now share that story with businesses to help them achieve their goals.

I recently came across some research by Professor Richard Wiseman on the subject of motivation

Professor Wiseman tracked more than 5000 participants from around the world who were attempting to achieve a wide range of goals including losing weight, gaining a new qualification, quitting smoking etc.

One group was followed for 6 months, the other for a year.  At the start everyone was confident of achieving their goals, however by the end only 10 percent of participants had achieved their goals.

The successful 10 % used the following techniques:

1)      Made a step-by-step plan;

2)      Told other people about their plan;

3)      Focused on the good things that would happen when they achieved their plan;

4)      Rewarded themselves for making progress;

5)      Recorded their progress.

Now whilst I didn’t use all of these techniques, I did do the majority of them. For me the biggest influence for achieving my comedy goal, was telling other people, simply because I couldn’t bare the thought of failing in front of everyone.

Even when friends, other comedians and business customers thought I was mad and told me it couldn’t be done, I continued to broadcast what I was doing.  I found that telling everybody I met increased my commitment and made me persevere.

So this year I’m making public that I am going to write a book. It may be a thin book, but it will be a book that I will have typed with my own fair hands at 3 words per minute.

Apparently the average book is 30,000 words long, so that’s 10,000 minutes, which is about 166 hours.

If I can write for 1 hour a day I should be finished by June!

So what are you going to achieve this year? Feel free to tell everyone!

I also want to loose ½ a stone… Now where did I put that Paul McKenna book?

Marc

In August 2008 Marc Hogan was bet £1 that he couldn’t become a stand up comic in less than 12 months and perform a one man comedy show at the Edinburgh Comedy Festival in August 2009 for 21 nights. He won the bet!

So what summed up 2009 for you was it the credit crunch, the death of Michael Jackson, the parliamentary expenses scandal, or something else?

For me 2009 can be summed up in 5 words, “Unexpected item in the bagging area”

Not since teenagers use of the word “like” 20 times in every conversation, ever has a phrase become so ubiquitous and annoying at the same time. I’m a 35-year-old male; I gave up working as a supermarket “checkout chick” when I was 18.

But now for some reason, I think it’s to do with the Large Hadron Collider I’ve been magically transported back in time and I’m now scanning my own shopping!

What the hell is going on? I don’t go into Starbucks and make my own coffee! I don’t get on the bus and drive it; and I have never picked my own strawberries!

I don’t even like it when a hairdresser uses clippers, I’m paying 30 quid for this haircut, I want you to use scissors!

I’m 35, I’ve got a degree, not only do I now have to carry my shopping in organically certified, fair-trade recycled hessian bags, I’ve got to scan it as well, perhaps you’d like me to a little stock rotation for you in my spare time?!

When did intelligent hard working people become checkout staff again? No offence to anyone who works in a supermarket, but checkout staff should be students or part time mothers or ex bankers, everyone else has no excuse.

I wouldn’t even mind but I’m useless at it. Every item takes at least 4 times to scan, I’ve tried numerous approaches, the fast glide, the slow glide, the plop down, and my personal favourite the roll over, nothing works! Most of the time I have to enter the handy 47-digit barcode or I have to wait for the young lady to come over and type in her top-secret password to get the scanner to work again

The lady in charge of these check outs inevitably ends up walking over to me and giving me the “Aahh bless, can’t use a simple infra red scanner” look. Its not my fault, I simply don’t have the wrists for it! What’s worse, her name badge asks, “How can I help”?

Well you could start by scanning my items!

It’s ridiculous. Not only do I have to scan my own shopping, I then have to sort it into the 4 colour coded bins when I’ve used it! Every week I recycle my rubbish, but for some reason the majority of drinks cartons cannot be made out of recyclable material. For crying out loud, there’s a black President of the USA, we have the technology to make Fern Britton thin, Gordon Brown has made the Tories popular, this is the future, surely it is not beyond the wit of man to create a recyclable drinks carton?

These self-service checkouts are apparently about good customer service? How?
How does spending 20 minutes scanning my 10 items (or Less) equal good customer service? I know I don’t have to even go to the supermarket I can do it all online, (and to be fair it’s brilliant) but that only works if the supermarkets have snowploughs to deliver the stuff!

So I don’t care how quick these self-flagellate checkouts are, I’m going to queue at a checkout with a real person, and talk about the weather, and their plans for the weekend.  In my humble opinion, great customer service will always involve a person…

Actions Speak Louder Than Birds: Marc Hogan
Can a corporate communications trainer become an Edinburgh festival comic in just 11 months – all to win a £1 bet. Join Marc Hogan somewhere on the learning curve to comedy greatness. (May contain birds.)

Another Nice Review!

Casey,Bristol–24 August2009,8:53am

Marc convinced me to come along to his show with one of the best flyering pitches I’ve heard in Edinburgh! Not only that, he lived up to it too! A really enjoyable, laugh out loud hour of comedy for everyone who ever wondered if they could do it themselves and for those who just want to watch a professional – PowerPoint will never be the same again to me! Nor to be honest will koalas! Definitely one worth watching!

Actions Speak Louder Than Birds: Marc Hogan
Can a corporate communications trainer become an Edinburgh festival comic in just 11 months – all to win a £1 bet. Join Marc Hogan somewhere on the learning curve to comedy greatness. (May contain birds.)

Today I found that I featured in the Top 10  Memorable PowerPoint experiences in BBC News Online Magazine:

I was at number 6!

“I was recently up in Edinburgh and saw a debut comedy show from Marc Hogan who is a professional speaker on the business circuit and his show was funny but also a masterclass in PowerPoint. Using slides, graphs, photography, subliminal advertising, video and audio to great comic effect. It proved to me, a complete novice at PowerPoint, that it can be a brilliant presentation tool that makes designing your presentation a whole lot easier and effective.”

I haven’t the heart to mention that I used Apple’s Keynote not PowerPoint (basically it’s same thing!)

You can read the whole Top 10 Good & Bad PowerPoint experiences here:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8213901.stm

p>Actions Speak Louder Than Birds: Marc Hogan
Can a corporate communications trainer become an Edinburgh festival comic in just 11 months – all to win a £1 bet. Join Marc Hogan somewhere on the learning curve to comedy greatness. (May contain birds.)

There’s been some more lovely audience reviews on www.broadwaybaby.com!

Greatest PowerPoint Show Ever

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

Saw this after reading the review here. What a great adventure becoming a stand up in 11 months. Very funny use of PowerPoint (never thought I’d say that.

Learned a lot about porn, had my other half in stitches. Go and help him win his pound.

Good Points
Very Funny PowerPoint
Great Story

Bad Points
Jokes a little male orientated

Rating: 4.0

Reviewed by Susan
August 23, 2009
Top 100 Reviewer

Laugh Loud Funny

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

Went and saw this after Marc came and gave me a flyer & had a chat. Really great show. He’s not a full time comic, 11 months ago he was bet a £1 that he couldn’t do a comedy show in Edinburgh. In my mind (and the audiences) he has definitely won that bet!

Go see!

Good Points

A Very Funny PowerPoint about how to write a comedy show, coupled with Marcs self depreciating humour, made for a really enjoyable hour. I will never look at Koala’s the same again, and I will take more risks in my own life!

Bad Points

Occasionally nervous.

Rating: 4.0
Reviewed by David
August 21, 2009
Top 50 Reviewer